my little complicated thoughts

i havent been writing for days...my wireless networking seems a lil slowmow recently...anyho, here i am, trying to express myself after couple of days off from bloggin. I juz had a ruff week. Friends in need, compelling news strucks me emotionally. Thinkin how cud those people possibly do tht? Why they are even capable of doin it to a person? How cn they let themselves get control by their own satanic emotion?

Humans are extremely mysteriously creepy sometimes. I might even possibly believe that i cud be one of those people, for a flip of my personal history book, i have done some extreme bad things to a person when i was young. Too young to even think about consequences and to even slightly care for other people.

I used to think tht none of those people around me care for me. For tht, y shud i? People breaks my heart all the time. Making me feel like an ass. Making me feel tht all my sacrifices seems...worthless. However, i discovered throughout my years of learning bout life, I cn never expect people to reach my expectations needs. They're no psychic. They cnt read my mind and fill me wit what i wat them to fill me in.

I juz have to bare with certain weaknesses as well as the others bear with mine. equal trades, simple. Forgive me with da low self esteem story, im jz born and raise with inequality. And my silent mode juz makin things worst. 'its ok, mira. Tomorrow's gonna be a better day for you', crying in my sleep, pretending to hav a nice warm shower while the fact i ws hopin the million droplets of water cud possibly washes away my sorrows and pain.

Feeling sad and angry is juz apart of being human. You must be freakin dead if ur so dem happy all da time. Trust me. No human can resist those negative feelings. It happen sumtimes, at least.

I was truly happy and honored for being choosen to lead such grand dinner last night, i truly do. But i dont know why, watchin others so happy makin themselves up to one point of beauty satisfaction. It makes me think a lot because i was kinda by myself deep inside the whole nite. I wasnt openin myself much to others.

Im sorry. Some of u might think i was angry bout sumthin, but honestly, i was prefectly fine and okay. Im juz excidently draggin myself into my own world at the wrong place and time. Thts all~ forgive me for not quite into the camerawhore crowd whre i used to get involve n get crazy... The dinner was superb and i seems a little shy with the huge crowd. huhu *blush* curse me, im nt quite good at huge crowd thingy...juz not my thing...YET~

ok, im gonna tis post for now...

p/s: Tomorrow's gonna be a better day for me

the end