dear diary,
i had been thinkin a lot lately bout myself, my love life... (huuUUU). So far, to be honest, i have always been a total loser. i dont know how to actually love a person, i dont kno my own feelings, i dont know i dont know and i juz dont know!!!!! during my cinta monyet tymes, everythin seems to be FAKE. i am faking myself allll the tyme juz to fit in with other couple. thts...obviously...is not true love...its no fun at all people!!
and when i tink im truly in love with a person instead...ive got ditched...pijak pijak pijakkkk matiii!!!im not ashame to say this..but i feel like i hav wasted my energy, time, sacrifice, feelings and all those thought bout how is he was juz a shreds of dust....poof!!! blown away by the wind...how pathetic...
it wasnt the first time...it happen so many, and i have reached my limits...being in love is juz so restless and tiring. u tend to get worrid all the tyme, tinkin bout him all the tyme and when he did even a small tiny mistake, u tend to get all emotional....thts juz....sux....
totally sux...
i love watchin my frens being so happy wit their love ones and i juz hav to accept the fact tht i havent find mine juz YET...
did i put any hope on tis?
nope...never...ive done with all this lovey dovey feelings...its juz excruciatingly painful...i admit people, i am so very delicate deep inside...and when they broke my heart...it really does breakin me apart...and its very tiring to face it again... i could cried every day every night juz to heal the pain...n it never works with the tear...so i move to music...and i started to tink more bout myself n keepin myself busy...busy busy busy...not to forget, my frens r always thre to help me...
a peson once said' dont fall in love, fall off a bridge instead...coz it hurt LESS..'
which to me is so very true...
but then...
thats when the fear comes...
da fear of putting too much hope on people, fear of loving a person with my heart and soul, fear to get involve with relationship,...
i might be all alone, playing my guitar, compose sum songs, edit pictures, bloggin, watch movie while others were happy doodling with their love ones, might not get those opportunity to hav a lovey dovey boyfriend or special dates or even received flowers and gifts...
but the important part is tht im happy...
no ones there to break me apart...coz its juz me, myself, friends and family who r always there to support me from behind...
p/s: im juz not ready to let my heart suffers in pain...for now...lets juz say im happy with my life...
not an anti-lover but juz expressin my feelin from my very own experience...
-the end-
