Part 2: expectations

Salam people.

I wanted to talk about expectations.

Expectation is a feeling. I might say it can closely define as such: sad, angry, happy, etc.

Expectation is a dual expression.

One. towards yourself.

Two. towards others.

For instant,

One) I expect myself to score very well for the past semester because I have worked extremely hard!

Two) I expect you to give me a dem good result for I have work very hard for the past semester!

When both are fail to reach the expectation, there goes disappointment.

'I am very dissapointed with myself for not scoring'

'She dissapoints me for not giving me good grades'

you see?

Expectations are part of our social circle. They're everywhere. Any humans cant deny the fact that they owned this expectations.

Expectations lived in our soul. Sleep in our body and always there, playing with our minds and hearts.

The question is, are they good? or an evil reflection to our mind?

as myratayeb punya prinsip hidup,

'SEMUA BENDA DALAM DUNIA NI ADA BAIK BURUK!!!!'

(termasuk yg bernafas spt manusia)

so, the good thing about having expectations are:

- it somehow motivates me to reach a certain target or in other word, expectations!

...

and the bad thing about it:

- its a curse to relationships: friends, family, staff, boss, etc

'I EXPECT YOU TO WORK LIKE ROBOT BUT THIS IS WHAT YOU GAVE ME?!!!'

'I EXPECT YOU TO BE A GOOD FRIEND, BUT YOU'RE NOT~'

'I EXPECT MY DAUGHTER TO SIT AT HOME AND BE WITH HER FAMILY!'

so, yes. expectations give birth to war. However, it depends on how you take other people's expectations.

positive way: is to just stay calm and think about it. Is it true you're not being a good person by doing so? is it bad for not being what he/she expected? what will the world be like if you toptop their expectation? will it make the world a better place?

yes!

then try to change. Other words, develop urself as a human.

no!

then just folow ur heart. Theres a moral of a certain fairy tale which I cant remember tells us not to satisfy everyone's needs (or expectations!), you gotta used that brain of urs yg Tuhan dah ciptakan sempurna to decide what is right or wrong.

YOU CANT SATISFY EVERYONE!

negative way: is not to give a tiny damn about it and just dance your own floor.

WRONG!

kita ni hidup bermasyarakat. When we acted this way, we are actually being IGNORANT!

...Tuhan tak suka manusia yang IGNORANT!

so dont be!

yang memegang role expectation tu plak, try to understand. People are different. Dont expect too much on people as if they have the same mind as urs.

NO!

and even if you did expect the right thing, time is precious for them to try to build a good character based on yours n other expectations.

So, no pressure. Coz im sure you have experience not being able to fulfill certain someone's expectation as well and how does that make you feel?

'please be more considerate and not to think of ur own shoe je!!'

kannnnnnn~~~~~~

the end

at times like this...

Forgive me if this post makes you vomit blood or even get eye-aching reading through the texts.

I just miss my boyfriend so much.

At times like this, having him as a distraction was at best solution for me. He always love to change my book chapter coz he's no good at rewriting it. But it works for me.

He and his floating mind will leave me silence, which feels like forever and out of a sudden, he came out with the most funny solution which to me was the worst but...he's adorable.

*sigh*

be back soon taw syg. I really miss you~ :'(((

I really do.

the end

second chance

Salam people.

I have been quite demotivate with my future lately. Slowly, one by one of my future steps got rip off leaving very few little steps, further pushing me down from reaching to the top.

I built 3 special doors, now 2 of them seems to be tightly locked. And Im still searching for the keys. I still want to believe theres hope. I still do.

Im not totally given up. But currently, Im feeling a little less enthusiastic with everything.

I cant force a smile when my heart is sinking. *sigh*

however, myratayeb is now slowly gaining spirits. Slowly move her baby steps upwards. Feeling a little nausea with the whole rejection but I still manage to hold on.

Today, I went out to search for a perfect raya shoe but none of the design successfully met my interest...my mind was a too trembling with future-phobia. The collection seems dull and funny.

Mom asked, or maybe ordered would be more ideal, me to stop by uia and appeal but I was to disappointed, Im just not ready to beg for a second chance. Hell, I just knew I wasn't the chosen one and im not even in their original list. What does that make me feel?

You might say

'Myra! skip the whole depression or else your losing everything!!???'

is it?

the end

quality or quantity?

Salam people.

I'll be spending on clothes today. So yes, IM EXCITED!

Im a big spender on clothes. Honestly.

However, I have stopped spending after I was place in a university bubble. Why?

Because, I think during that particular phase of life, money was more vital towards food and entertainment. There were no extras out of it. (damn you teenagers!)

So myratayeb started to really jarang beli baju but once I went shipping, the quality ones has always caught my eyes. I dont mind spending a lot of money on clothes for I prefer it to be comfortable and made of good materials.

I dont get it with some people who love buying 'beli satu percuma lima tshirt'.

You see, they might sounded good in quantity but the quality was so-so. After you wore a couple of times, it turn out to be rough or seasoned.

Can you see the difference?

You can actually buy one awesome t's that will last forever!!!! (exaggerating) equals to you buying those cheap, huge number or tshirt over and over again...

Gotta be wise people~

Dont you judge on me people.

I have my poor moments as well. Thats why my shopping spirits only comes once in a blue moon. It looks crazy when the spree was on roll but when it stops, Im just an ordinary human with several repetition attire. So, dont give me that spoilt rich looks, Im no rich. Im totally moderate. Trust me.

Ill be off break fasting with several CBN-ers today in midvalley. Bump on any of familiar faces there hopefully~

XOXO

the end

death is around you

Salam people.

My family never make weekends as a resting checkpoint of the week. If you want me to be honest, weekends was my total exhaustion days. Im basically grew in a family who prefer to do things rather than 'sit back and relax' and let the time sway like it aint value a thing.

So, I would say its totally a good thing. Quran even stated that, 'Demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia itu di dalam kerugian~'

time peeps, time~

Whatever it is, I still manage to sleep the whole evening today after travel to Melaka-BBBangi-KL. (I just hate long hours vehicle travel) *it never fail to make me feel totally sick and fatigue

Anyhow, went to Melaka and the whole family was there to celebrate Ramadhan with my dearest atuk. He looks pretty cheerful seeing all his beloved children and grandchild was there to cherish this holistic month with him.

Then, went to BBBangi to meetup with my Uncle who just came back from Canada after a month work trip. He'll be going there again next month until December. I was so jealous but at his perceptive of his own lucky life, he rather lived in Malaysia for the weather was to cold for him to bear.

Tomorrow ill be goin to klcc to ship some new clothes session of myratayeb. I just bought a set of facial treatment cost me 200++ (i cnsider it to be reasonable for it can last for more than a year)

lol!

and i need a pair of new jeans and pants. my jeans are losing my waist. (not because im torning down!). The material got season and loose. A friend told me, 'its a sign of death...my jeans are dying~'

Everything in the world, have an ending knot. Human die. Things we created broken. Nothing actually last forever. Even the world someday will come to an end....

Actually...

I just experiencing a family in her before death phase. And it freaks me out. After she had her kidney surgery, the doctor said there was no hope. Her internal organ was hanging. None was well function. But a minute after she woke up from her surgery sleep, she went bizarre.

She screams and said nonsense things like,

'mana keranda ak?!'

'ak belum nak matiii!!! Aku tak bole pergii!?'

'KAW BLAHHH! SAPER KAWWW??' (saying to her child)

it was scary.

(keeping myratayeb's opinion about the whole scene to herself)

the end

shopoholic is a cure

Salam people.

These past few days of 'menganggur', I have been spending my money in a state of self satisfaction. Honestly, the paid was good but personally, its not worth to be kept for future use.

Why?

Because I think the money are nothing more or less, dirty. I have been talking candy about my part time job but inside, the people was actually a major human disappointment.

They took innocent people's money to gain their own wealth and sometimes, the charges was illogical, watching the victim state of poorness, this is pure evil.

I was only their slaves of cruelty. Nothing I could do about it. All i know was to push my butt on this job sincerely and not to forget my core attention was to filled my holiday.

So, oh well~ Im currently spending the $ with all my heart and I have never felt happier. Got to spend your own money, on your own will, getting the stuff YOU want to do.

priceless!

Some of you might not know this, but Im a crazy hair-doers! I love to play games with my hair coz it satisfies me....A LOT! And I just spend close to 30 percent of my salary for it!

and a minutes ago...

i juz bought a new phone!!!! OMGOMGOMG!!!

okok...I know some of my followers were thinking, 'bukan ke mira baru je beli phone ke?'

Well, to be honest. I hate the phone except for the HD video. The rest was average. And you must be wondering, what phone did I just bought with MY own pocket money....

\(^0^)/ YADA YADA YADA!!!

the end

finally home

Salam people.

Yes. I am finally home. Another week job was shorten to today and this afternoon was my final hotel/work checkout.

All of my group kinda expected the ending work due to the unusually rare PATI visitors to had had come registered their thumb prints daily.

Reaching 20 registration form was close to impossible.

Breathing flowers of living, my new friends and environment had taught me a lot about the principle of working together. (hectic work i should mention) and the fact that being with them for 18 hours a day in 2 weeks was enough to make us recognize each other's nose.

I am currently sitting at home, blogging and akwardly starting up my used to be usual phase of housework seems a little off by the rewinding moments working with them in MSN.

The farewell was a blast and sad. I'm gonna miss them a lot!!! a big friendship Myra had dream of has finally come true. :)

Now, i got to distract myself with big spending!!!!!!!!! $$$ Plus, my brother's home, I dont have to be home alone any more...erm...i mean, for the next 30 days until he gets back to Egypt.

p/s: the memories remain in heart forever...

'mommy ayah rindu sgt dekat kak ngah...'

:')

the end

i miss you

Salam people.

In a blink or two, 2 weeks work has passed. The work was extend for another week and then I'll be able to dance home with full bottle of satisfactions. (and $)

Yesterday, she handed me a piece of wonder paper. Catching it flipping through the fans, the writings had caught me speechless. As I read through it, I was basically light headed.

My very first pay check.

I know some of you out there think I was being exxagerate, but I have never work in my life. Getting paid for ruthless works feels reality! No more full time work in studio and having to face damage working attitutes for nothing, getting paid feels worth sacrificed.

Today I was actually sent by the head captain to work somewhere in Petaling Jaya.

But the people there in Petaling wasnt really well prepared for our work space. Lucky me my friend here called Syeina apparently living near the area.

So, here I am, being again lucky. I manage to steal her internet connections to embrace my blogging passions.

*but it felt a little akward watching the whole family reunite and did house chores and cleaning while im silently blogging at the corner, refuse to involved

mmm....

p/s: i might be denying this, but I think Im starting to missed my home and my family. Ramadhan without them feel so...different. (and im getting bored with bazaar foods and fast food restaurant)

'my dear boyfriend too had already left me flown to the other coast of Malaysia for weeks. I think, deep inside, I feel a little lonely from my usual presence'

Myra just got to be strong.

<(=_=)>

Experience worth breathing

Salam people.

I thought I would'nt have the chance to submit myself with online blogging. But, special thanks to my new friends: Najiha/G-ha, who is kind enough to lend me her small hp lappy, allowing me to update my .saya.gila.conteng.

After 4 days of working, I am currently breathing candy. New friends, new life cycle and extreme new environment! I think I'm facing another phase of adulthood. Experience had taught me a lot of things and I have no regret for taking this non-architecture-related-part-time job.

At first, I thought it was gonna be hard. But...it was. *lol*

However, every rolling cycle of it seems to be a whole lot of fun because of the people. I know it has only been 4 days but it feels like a year. Maybe because of the time spending and reckless bundle of works and waits.

Being apart from my usual home chores routine, honestly, was one of my greatest decision making.

'Mommy, ayah. I'm sorry for leaving both of you during this holistic month of the year. But, for once in my life, I wanted to lead my own life. I have never felt so...so....spirited. Being independent has always been my dream ever since I started feels a twitched of embarrassment having to rely much on both of you.

and thank you for finally understands me and even supported me from the beginning til now.

love you''

Tomorrow I might be travel somewhere at the north side of Semenanjung Malaysia. Outstation branches needed more staff for the registrations. Wish me luck~

the end

jealousy

Salam people.

Oh, before I start delivering my mind, I would sincerely wish all of you a happy Ramadhan celebration. I myself have made my very own check list I so-called 'azam baru' for this holistic month of the year.

may Allah give me good strength to realizes those dreams. (realistic one of coz!)

Amin~

Anyhow, my topic for today is jealousy. This topic might be a little personal related, I apologize.

Ive heard a lot of people mouthing about girls being irrational when it comes to jealousy. But I do not agree. I dont entertain sexism here and nowadays, I do not see the difference between these two gender.

Come on, open your eyes. Even the wordly events can tell us issues relating to jealousy never compromise through gender.

Lelaki ada, perempuan pun ada.

So, why put such labels?

Somehow, I see, this might be a medium for you (any person) to feel superiorly rational in everything and making the other person to look as if he/she was a little less wiser than you.

However, I do agree that the source of such evil feelings was between lack of trust and love. Maybe we should cherished the love more and therefore, the trust would eventually grow wild.

And we as a person should always be sensitive on how we act with others and how will it affect to the ones we love the most.

"perasaan ni adalah ciptaan Tuhan yang terindah". So, this is not a game and by taking it lightly, doesnt make you look a lot wiser than other people.

the end